So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
