A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize