I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
