Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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