Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
