I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
