i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
