I'm really into asian looking animals
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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