I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
