How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
