Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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