My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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