chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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