belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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