if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
