What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Randomize
