is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
