i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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