I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
