Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
