I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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