I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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