I am puke
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
