i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
