I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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