Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
