I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
