I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
