but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
