I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize