Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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