Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
