Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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