hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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