So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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