i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
