he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
