Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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