i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
