You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
