A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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