I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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