It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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