I wanna bring you to show and tell
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
