Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
