I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
