Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
