You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize