We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
