I can tuck mytits in my pants
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My vagina is officially offended.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
