I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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