Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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