last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
