cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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