Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
