The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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