we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
