dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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