He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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