You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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