she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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