This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
