i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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