I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
