I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
