We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
