I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
