Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
